Made for Marriage Page 19

  Callie saw the confusion on his face. She knew he’d feel this way, knew he’d think her leaving was her way of running, of putting space between them.

  Isn’t it?

  The truth pierced through her. Wasn’t she running away? She took another breath.

  “Please, Noah, try to understand…” She took his hands. “Please,” she said again. “I know it might look like I’m—”

  “What?” he said, cutting her off. “Running away? Running out? You forget I know what it feels like to be left, Callie.”

  She turned her hands in his and held them against his chest. “It’s not like that.”

  He looked at her, deep, way down, like he was trying to absorb her with his eyes. Callie felt his frustration, his confusion, the sense he wanted to believe her but didn’t quite know how. “Are you coming back?”

  She hesitated and knew Noah felt it deep inside. “I’m…I’m…”

  He grabbed her left hand and gently rubbed the ring finger with his thumb. “You know what I want, Callie. You know that I love you and want to be with you—as your friend and lover and husband.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I know,” she whispered and wrapped her arms around his waist.

  “But that’s not enough?”

  She wanted to rest her head against his chest. “I just…don’t know.”

  Noah pulled back. “Then I guess there’s nothing left to say.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “You don’t look so great.”

  Noah faked a smile. “Thanks.”

  Evie was never one to hold back her thoughts. “When’s Callie due back?”

  “I’m not sure.” He felt like he had glass in his mouth. Because he had no idea when she was coming back. Or if.

  His sister spun around in his kitchen and continued to chop watermelon with a big knife. “The kids are missing her.”

  So am I…

  Noah tensed. He was in no mood for his sister’s counsel. He wasn’t in a mood for socializing, either. But it was Lily’s birthday and the whole family had arrived to celebrate her day. “She’ll be back when she’s back.” If she comes back…

  “Have you spoken with her?”

  “Is there a point to these questions?”

  “Just trying to get you to talk,” Evie said, raising both brows. “That’s not an easy feat these days.”

  Noah didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want fake conversation with well-meaning relatives about how he was feeling. His mother had tried, now Evie. He just wanted to lick his wounds in private. He didn’t want to talk about Callie. He didn’t want to think about Callie.

  But he remembered her look the night before she’d left. She’d made love with him, so deeply and with such an acute response to his touch it had felt like…it felt like…goodbye.

  “So have you?”

  Evie’s voice shuttled Noah quickly back to the present. “Have I what?”

  “Talked with her?”

  He nodded. “Of course.” Not exactly the truth. She’d called him when she’d landed in Los Angeles and he’d heard nothing since.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  Noah frowned. “Would it make any difference if I said no?”

  Evie shrugged. “Probably not.”

  Noah grabbed the barbecue tongs and fork. “Go ahead.”

  “Why didn’t you go with her?”

  He stilled. Evie always knew the wrong question to ask. “Impossible.”

  “I could have watched the kids,” she said. “So, what’s your excuse?”

  Because she didn’t ask me to.

  Part of him had longed to go with her, to meet her family, to see where she’d been raised, to be with her. He’d hated the idea of Callie traveling alone. Some base male instinct had kicked in and he wanted to protect her, to keep her safe. He should have insisted. He should have proposed marriage to her like he’d planned to do and taken the trip as an opportunity to meet her mother and brother.

  “What’s his excuse for what?”

  Lily came into the kitchen. Without the gothic makeup and sporting only earrings—no other piercings—and jeans and a T-shirt, she looked so pretty, like a young version of his sister Grace. He smiled as she stole a piece of melon and took a bite.

  “Were you guys talking about me?” she asked, suspicious but grinning.

  “Of course,” Evie said. “What else. How’s the head cold?”

  “Better,” Lily replied. “I’m still sneezing.”

  Evie passed Lily the plate of fruit. “Well, if you’re better, go and take this outside. Your Poppy loves watermelon.” She looked at Noah. “You might want to light up the barbecue.”

  Lily was just about out of the room when Jamie raced into the kitchen. “Callie’s here! Callie’s here!” he said excitedly. “It’s her truck coming.”

  Noah’s stomach did a wild leap. He looked at his sister. “It’s not possible.”

  “Go on,” Evie said, shooing him out of the kitchen.

  Noah headed for the front door, with Jamie and Lily barely feet behind him. Sure enough, Callie’s truck was barreling down the long driveway. And it was hitching a horse trailer.

  He opened the screen door. Lily was beside him instantly. So was Evie.

  But it wasn’t Callie behind the wheel. It was Joe. The skinny youth got out of the truck as Noah took the steps. He could feel Lily in his wake.

  “Hi, there,” Joe said. “Got a delivery.”

  Lily gripped Noah’s arm. “Dad?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  By now Evie and Mary-Jayne and his parents were standing by the front steps, with the twins squeezing between them, while Jamie jumped up and down excitedly.

  Joe disappeared to the rear of the trailer and lowered the tailgate. Lily’s grip tightened when they saw the solid chestnut gelding step down from the trailer.

  “Samson,” she whispered. “Dad…look.”

  “I see him.”

  Joe led the horse around the truck and held the rope out to an astonished Lily. His daughter took the lead and buried her face in the animal’s neck.

  Joe pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to Lily. “Callie said to give this to you.” He shook Noah’s hand. “Well, I’ll be seeing ya.”

  They waited until the truck pulled out from the driveway before Lily looked at the card inside. She read it out loud. Dear Lily, I wish I was there with you. Happy birthday! Love, Callie.

  Tears welled in his daughter’s eyes and tipped over her cheeks. “Oh, Dad.” She hugged the horse. “I can’t believe Callie did this.”

  Noah couldn’t believe it, either. The woman he loved had given his daughter the one thing she longed for. It was an incredible gesture toward Lily. He ached inside thinking about it.

  Lily didn’t stop crying. “He’s mine, he’s really mine?”

  “It looks that way.”

  Evie looked at Noah and raised her brows. “Some gift,” she said.

  Within minutes Lily had led the horse into the small pasture behind the house.

  “That’s one happy kid,” his father said.

  His parents had returned to the pool area with the kids and Evie pushed Noah to start up the barbecue. He was just flicking up the heat when Lily rushed through the back door and let it bang with a resounding thud.

  “Dad!”

  Her stricken look alarmed him and he set the utensils aside. “What is it?”

  Lily shook her head frantically. “I want to call Callie.”

  Noah checked his watch. “Later tonight.”

  “I want to call her now,” Lily insisted. “I want to call her and say thank yo
u. And I want to tell her we miss her and want her to come home.”

  “You can’t do that.”

  Lily tugged on his arm. “Why not?”

  “Because you just can’t.”

  Lily rolled her eyes. “No offense, Dad, but that sounds really dumb.”

  He shrugged, although he wasn’t sure how he moved.

  “So, you’re not going to do anything?”

  His back stiffened. “What exactly do you want me to do?”

  Lily’s eyes grew huge. “If you don’t want me to call her—then you do it. You call her up and tell her we miss her. Tell her you miss her. She said in the card that she wished she was here—so call her up and tell her to come back.”

  Everyone stared at him. Evie raised her eyes questioningly.

  He took a deep breath. “I can’t tell Callie how to live her life.” Another breath. “She’s gone to see her family.”

  Tears filled Lily’s eyes again. “I thought…I thought we were her family. So if she wants to be with her family she should be here, because we live here, you live here.”

  Noah wished he could stop his daughter’s relentless logic. “She’ll be back when she’s ready.”

  Lily scowled. “Are you sure? What if she changes her mind? What if she stays there?”

  Noah had spent the past week thinking of little else. He’d thought about it every night when he laid in his bed, twisting in sheets that still held the scent of her perfume in them. He missed her so much, wanted her so much he hurt all over.

  “It’s not up to me,” he said quietly.

  Lily hopped on her feet. “That doesn’t make much sense. You love her, right?”

  Eight sets of eyes zoomed in on him and he felt their scrutiny. “Well…I—”

  “And she loves you,” Lily said quickly. “She told me.”

  Noah rocked back on his heels. “She told you that?”

  Lily looked at him like he needed a brain transplant. “I just don’t get adults. You give all these lectures about being honest and then you can’t even be honest with yourself.” She puffed out a breath. “Why don’t you just call her up and ask her to marry you?”

  Noah’s jaw almost fell to his feet. “What happened to your fifty percent of second marriages end in divorce speech?”

  Lily swung her arm around. “Who listens to me? What do I know?” Lily blurted. “You guys are the grown-ups—work it out.”

  He saw Evie nodding. “Don’t start,” he warned his sister.

  “She’s got a point.”

  “Of course I’ve got a point,” Lily said through her tears. “Callie loves you. You love Callie. We all love Callie.”

  “Yeah, Daddy, we love Callie,” Jamie piped in, suddenly next to his sister. The twins weren’t far away, either. And his parents hovered nearby.

  She really does love me… She told my kid she loves me.

  But she left.

  And then, with a jolt, he realized he’d been so angry, so hurt, he hadn’t really listened when she’d tried to explain. He’d cut her off, his ego dented, his heart smashed.

  If he’d really listened he might have heard something other than his own lingering bitterness chanting inside his head. He might have heard that she needed to go home to lay her ghosts to rest.

  Suddenly Noah understood. The past—Callie needed to face her past, come full circle and deal with the grief of losing her fiancé and her son.

  He felt the kick of truth knock against his ribs.

  She loves me. He looked at his kids, all watching him, their little faces filled with hope. She loves them.

  “Then I guess we’d better come up with a plan,” he said and smiled when he saw everyone around him nodding.

  Callie had been back in her old room for a week. It seemed so small now. And it didn’t give her the comfort it once used to. But it was good to be home with her mother, especially since Scott had arrived two days after she had.

  Her mother’s stucco house was small compared to most in this part of Santa Barbara, but it was neat and her gardens were the envy of the neighborhood. She walked into the kitchen for a late breakfast and discovered her brother burning sourdough toast.

  “Don’t say anything,” he cautioned. “I can still cook better than you.”

  Callie tapped him on the arm. “Ha, so you say.”

  She took the strawberry cream cheese from the refrigerator and waited while he scraped the burnt offering with a knife. Once he was done he passed it to her. Callie smeared it with spread and sat down.

  “So, Mom said you’re thinking of taking some time off?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “Because of what happened?”

  Scott didn’t like to discuss the tragic death of a friend and colleague a few months earlier. But she suspected the event had taken its toll on her brother.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing just yet.”

  “But you’re not thinking of leaving the fire department, right?”

  He shrugged. “Like I said, I haven’t decided.”

  “You’ve wanted to be a fireman since you were four years old.”

  Scott grinned. “And you wanted to be a vet.”

  Callie shrugged and bit her bagel. “Nah—not smart enough.”

  “You could go back to school,” he suggested. “Mom said you always got good grades. Not that I remember, being so much younger than you.”

  Callie held up three fingers. “That’s how many years. Hardly worth mentioning.”

  He grinned again. “So would you?”

  “I like my job. And I’m happy.”

  “Are you? You don’t seem so happy to me.”

  Callie rolled her eyes. “Look who’s talking.”

  “Well I never said I was happy,” he replied. “So, what gives?” He smiled and ruffled her hair. “Why this sudden trip home?”

  “I wanted to see you and Mom.”

  “And?”

  And I’m in love…and I miss him so much I can hardly breathe. All I want is to go home and run into Noah’s arms and stay there for the rest of my life.

  “Stop badgering your sister.”

  Their mother came into the kitchen, a striking, willowy figure in a multicolored silk caftan, who looked much younger than her fifty-five years.

  “Just asking,” Scott said and grabbed another piece of bread. “You have to admit she showed up out of the blue. It makes me wonder what she’s up to.”

  Callie placed her hands on her hips. “I am in the room, you know.”

  Scott chuckled. “So, spill.”

  She held her shoulders stiff. “I have nothing to say.”

  He bit into a bagel. “She’s definitely hiding something.”

  Eleanor scolded her son and told him to take the dog for a walk. Still grinning, he grabbed his toast and left.

  “Is he right?” her mother asked once the back door banged shut.

  Callie nodded.

  “A man?” Eleanor guessed correctly.

  She nodded again.

  Her mother sat down and swooshed the swirl of fabric around her legs. “I thought you might have changed,” Eleanor said gently.

  “Changed how?”

  “I thought your time away might have loosened the tight control you’ve always had on what’s inside you.”

  Callie knew what her mother meant. “I’m not good at talking about this stuff.”

  But she was with Noah. Callie had shared more with him than she had with anyone. Her heart, her body…all of herself.

  “That’s why things hurt you so much, Calliope. Even when you were a little girl you never talked about how you were feeling. You were alway
s so happy on the outside. But I worried about you, keeping your feelings in. Your dad was like that, too.” Eleanor pushed her bangs from her face. “After his accident, when he was really sick and knew he was dying, he didn’t let me know how bad it was until the end.”

  “I remember.”

  “That hurt me for a long time,” Eleanor admitted. “I thought he didn’t trust me.”

  “He loved you, though. And you loved him.”

  “Of course,” her mother said. “But when someone loves you, you should give them your whole heart.”

  “Like I did with Craig? That didn’t turn out so great.”

  Eleanor raised her brows questioningly. “Craig was self-absorbed. And you were very young when you met. Had you met him now, as a woman, you probably would have seen right through his lack of integrity. He never deserved you, Callie…but if you’ve met someone who does, what are you doing here in my kitchen?” Her mother didn’t wait for a reply and didn’t hold back. “Do you love this man?”

  Callie nodded. “I…yes.”

  Eleanor smiled. “Good. Because he called me yesterday.”

  “Noah called you?” Callie couldn’t hide the shock in her voice.

  “Mmm. We had a nice long talk about you.”

  Callie almost spluttered the coffee she’d just sipped. “What?”

  “I liked him very much.”

  Callie was aghast. Why on earth would Noah want to talk with her mother? “Why didn’t he call me?”

  Eleanor widened her bright blue eyes. “Did you give him reason to?”

  Did she? “Well, I didn’t say he couldn’t call me.” She put down her coffee. Curiosity burned through her. “What did he say?”

  Eleanor lifted her shoulders dramatically. “Oh, this and that. He asked how you were doing.”

  Callie’s skin heated. “And what did you tell him?”

  “Oh, this and that.”

  “Mom…please?”

  Her mother stood up. “Come for a walk with me in the garden.”

  Callie followed her mother out the back door and across the lawn toward the small wooden bench in the far corner. They sat in front of a tiny rose garden her mother tended to daily.